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Category Archives: Meister

It’s a mostly Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas from some of us

Merry Christmas from some of us

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Kids ruin everything

If you have known me for any length of time then you know my motto: Kids ruin everything.  They do.  Think about it for a minute.  Remember when you were childless?  See?  I’m right aren’t I?  With that said though, I love our kids.  I love them to pieces and I’d let them ruin my life over and over again just to have them with me.

Who would wear cowboy hats with me?  Certainly not The Hubs.  He abhors cowboys.  I used to be married to one.  Ironic eh?

Who would sleep like this?  I die a little inside each time I see this.  How effing precious?

Who would look so adorable and so gross at the same time?

Who would let me endanger my face while taking this awesome picture?

These two that’s who.  I love the crap out of them and want to squeeze them.  A lot.

 

 

 

This boy is somebody’s baby

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The Meister
My heart.

My baby.

He’s the only child I’ve given birth to and the only one I ever will.  You know how I feel right?  Your kids are born and you finally know love.  Your heart explodes with joy.  You would do anything for them.

I think people tend to forget that other people’s kids are somebody’s baby. They roll their eyes, sigh, and generally act annoyed when a child causes an inconvenience to them.  They throw a fit in the theater, they pee in the play place at McDonalds, they are those kids in the restaurant.  Whatever their behavior they are still somebodies baby.

My child causes an inconvenience to a lot of parents on a daily basis.  He has severe food allergies, specifically peanuts and tree nuts.  He’s the reason you can’t bring peanut butter cookies for treats at school.  He’s the kid with the mom who will ask a million and one questions about the food you are serving your birthday party and then ask “hey are you comfortable with me leaving this life saving device that you may or may not need to inject him with all the while calling 911 as he’s trying not to die on your living room floor?”  He’s my baby.  I need him to be safe.  I need him to live through your birthday party.  Extreme?  Not really.  Have you seen your child turn blue while their throat closes shut?  Have you slammed an Epi-Pen into your child’s thigh all the while praying they don’t die?  I have.  I never ever want to do it again.

I have had people roll their eyes at me when I ask to check the ingredients in the birthday cupcakes.  I have had them tell me, “Oh just one bite won’t hurt him.”  His own grandmother once said “if you give him a little bit each day he’ll grow out of it.”  Um, no he won’t.  He’ll die thankyouverymuch.

Thankfully those assholes are few and far between. I have encountered some wonderful wonderful people out there.  They are so understanding. So willing to comply with my crazy requests.  They get it.  They know.  He’s my baby.  Even when he looks like this…

Look at those teeth!

The kid has been losing teeth like nobodies business!  
Last night his top tooth was hanging on by a measly root. 
He went ten rounds with Tyson to get that grill!
 I told him to just yank it out.  He wouldn’t.  He was scared.  So I gave him a napkin for grip and had him wiggle like there was no tomorrow.  That thing was still stuck!  I asked if I could try.  He didn’t want me to, he was a leetle scared.  I told him I’d give him a dollar.  That was a game changer, he was all for it after that.  I gave that tooth one solid yank and it was out.
No apples for this kid!

yoga babies

They didn’t want to go to bed.  
They wanted to do yoga instead.  
I wish I could claim this behavior comes from me, but it’s totally from my mom.

Best Present EVER! (or how to zombify your kids for car trips)

My kiddos are in the car a lot.  And by a lot I mean, Miss Thang spends six hours a week going to and from her mom’s house.  Every other week Meister and I go along for the ride and spend the day with my in-laws, it’s four hours round trip.  To top it all off, it’s usually dark out so no looking out the windows for them.  When we first started doing this we had one portable DVD player and a Nintendo DS.  It worked great.  Miss Thang was more than happy to watch Beauty and the Beast while Meister played his DS.  

Everything was just fine for quite a while until Meister decides he wanted to watch movies too.  We (the parents with infinite knowledge) decided to balance the lone DVD player on the center console of the car.   Let the bickering begin.  If you are parent you will appreciate the following conversation.

“I can’t see it.”
“Turn the DVD player, I can’t see it!” 
“MOOOOOM I can’t see the movie.”
I turn the DVD in Meisters direction.
“Now I can’t see the movie.” 
Movie.  Movie. Movie. Mooooooviieeeeeee
“Mom, I can’t see it again.”

It was effing horrible!  The constant fighting over who could see and not see was enough to make me cry, but add to that the soundtrack to the Chipmunks movie playing loud enough for both kids to hear while we are rolling down the interstate at 75 mph and it’s no wonder I developed migraines.

The Hubs had the brilliant idea of getting the kids dual DVD players for the car with headphones for Christmas.  I worried the kids didn’t really “want” this for a present and it was more for us.  I voiced said concerns to him.  His response?  “Damn right it’s for us!  Think of the silence.”  I did.  It was wonderful.  I told him to order those sweet sweet silence makers asap!  He kindly pointed out that it was July and we would have to wait till the end of December to enjoy the silence. 

The.  Wait.  Was.  Agony.

The wait is over folks.  I’m happy to report my kiddos are plugged in and happy as can be for their long car rides.  The silence is blissful.  There is no fighting.  No whining.  No hollering. 

Beauty and the Beast for the 9 millionth time.



He’s just so stinking happy.



Race horses, kids, and Christmas

Long time no post=Random title
Since no one reads this blog I feel confident that I can treat it as a journal and not worry about my readers wondering where I’ve been over the last few weeks.  Seriously though, anyone out there?  crickets  Any who, the Christmas cookies were a success.  The kids enjoyed decorating them.  Meister thought it was hilarious to stick his face in the sprinkles and eat them.  Please see exhibit A…

…I don’t necessarily have to claim him as my own right?  I guess I will, he’s pretty darn cute if I do say so myself. 


Christmas was a success as well.  The kids got way too many presents.  The Hubs and I had said we were only getting them 3 things.  1 from us 2 from the jolly red elf.  We held true to that.  It was the Grampas and Grammas that showered them with gifts.  Here I go on a tangent…Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want them to get nothing at all, but the excess is what gets me.  Add to that, the Meisters bio-dad decided last minute he wouldn’t be taking the Meister over winter break and now all of his presents were being shipped to my house.  He had 20 plus presents to open from that side of the family alone.  Miss Thang did go to her mom’s after the holidays so we didn’t have hers to open.  Phew!  Tangent over.  In the end, the Hubs and I have decided that 1 big shared gift from us and 1 big thing from Santa is all they are getting next year.  We can control ourselves, but not our families.  And that’s OK.

She’s love the crap out of that pillow pet.

The Meister is eating me out of house and home and he’s only 6.  He is going through a growth spurt I’m sure of it.  This is what his meals consisted of on Sunday.  5 cinnamon rolls (the kind from a can), a bowl of cereal, 4 bowls of chicken noodle soup, half a grapefruit, and a crescent roll, one and a half chicken salad sandwiches and crackers.  I really hope he starts growing after he eats all this food.  He’s a shorty.  Like front row of school programs short.  and he’s skiiiiiiinnnnny!  He will be 7 next Wednesday and he’s still wearing size 5 pants.   Here’s to the growth spurt, lets just hope I can buy enough groceries!

My father in law is a race horse trainer.  I love him for it because I can get my horse fix without spending a fortune and scooping poop.  Every year I pick a favorite horse from his line up.  This year, it’s Love Tapper.  I picked him because he’s a pet.  Just a sweet sweet lover boy who wants you to scratch him.  So without further ado…

Love Tapper